I almost forgot that boxing still existed. Like most big fights, there's a ton of hype leading up to this one. It seems to me like most people just don't care about boxing any more. There's hardly any big names, and the fights seem to never live up to their expectations. With the emergence of the UFC, boxing desperately needs to find some new superstars if it hopes to compete.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Video of the Day: Big Fight This Weekend
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Tuesday's Top Ten: Best Ways To Get Fired
I know I always do a sports related top ten, but I thought I'd change things up with some suggestions of good ways to get fired from your job. You might find some of them funny, and you might be offended, but that's the idea! Behold, the top ten best ways to get fired from your job!
10. Refuse to adhere to your works scent policy by wearing large amount of cologne. When people complain, demand that your work reimburses you for the money you spent on the cologne. If they refuse, threaten to commit suicide.
9. Begin renting out the office for sex addicts anonymous meetings. If meetings become a success, begin renting out the office for large, inter-racial orgies.
8. Find an interesting way to spread an STD. While your at it, spread a virus to all the computers because computers can't have sex.
7. Replace your bosses Advil with ecstasy. When they become high, call the police and accuse them of sexual harassment.
6. On casual day, show up to work completely naked with a fake tattoo of a large arrow pointed towards your crotch. Accuse male and female co-workers of desperately wanting to be impregnated by you, and repeatedly yell 'you wish biatch!'
5. Gather all of your co-workers into one area and do your best impressions of Michael Richards, Don Imus, Tim Hardaway, and Mel Gibson. When people accuse you of being a racist bigot, threaten to commit suicide.
4. Introduce several of your co-workers and their kids to crystal meth. Since they're probably unfamiliar with the drug, you can over charge them
3. Fake your own death by having a friend call in to say you were the victim of a violent hate crime. When people show up to your funeral, jump out of the casket and yell “You just got punk'd!”, then yell at them for not bringing 'funeral gifts'.
2. Make all new employees take part in a violent gang initiation. Initiation includes a brutal beating, a robbery and arson at a local thrift store, a week long coke binge, and the final test - public urination in front of an elementary school.
1. Break into your bosses email and send out penis enlargement emails to the entire office and his clients. Also, change your bosses voice mail message claiming he is now running the penis enlargement hot line.
Feel free to leave a comment on something you think would be a good way to get fired. Happy Hanukkah!
-Joe Osborne
Monday, December 3, 2007
Straight Up Made Up
Sean Taylor's murderer to be suspended and fined by the NFL
Shortly before the start of yesterday's games, NFL commissioner Roger Goddell announced that the person or persons responsible for the murder of Redskins safety Sean Taylor would be fined and suspended by the NFL. “I've made it clear since day one that off field conduct such as steroid use and murder are completely unacceptable. Whoever is responsible for the death of Sean Taylor can expect to receive a hefty fine and lengthy suspension”. When the suspension and fine is handed down, Goddell can expect to hear from the executive director of the NFL Players Association Gene Upshaw, who says he will attempt to eliminate or reduce any suspension or fine. “Come on now. Where in the NFL rule book does it say that murder violates league rules? It's not like these guys are illegally video taping other teams or doing elaborate touchdown celebrations. Plus, from what I know the suspects have never been in trouble with the league before, so it would be a first time offense.” Reaction to Goddell's decision to penalize the murderer(s) was mixed among members of the media. “It's part of the culture down there” said former Cowboys receiver Michael Irving, while ESPN's John Clayton disagrees, “Murder has no place in the NFL. That type of thing should only happen in places like Harlem or Compton...Or even in third world countries”. No word yet on whether of not Adam 'Pacman' Jones was involved with the murder, but the league plans to investigate.
Jump ball specialist ranks #1 in early NBA mock drafts
While OJ Mayo and Michael Beasley are stealing the college basketball headlines, Simon Winchester, who is a senior at Maryland Technical College in North Baltimore is dominating one area of the game, and NBA scouts are noticing. “Winchester has won almost 90% of jump balls so far this season” says an NBA scout who asked not to be named. “That type of thing is so valuable. Whoever gets first ball in an NBA game can make a huge difference.” Although Winchester leads the nation in jump ball percentage, other area's of his game such as scoring, rebounding, defense, dribbling, and endurance need some major work. “Small things like scoring ability and rebounding come with time and experience” said the scout. “But having the ability to win jump ball's give you a huge advantage. You have to wonder how things would have worked out in the Finals last year had Lebron James been able to secure the first possession for the Cavs. I guess that's just not part of his game.” NBA scouts and executives are also impressed with the jump ball czar's level of maturity as he was recently promoted to weekend shift supervisor at a Baltimore Arby's. “Simon's success on the court has translated to success in the fast food business” said Arby's manager Paul Deluney. “If things don't work out with the NBA, he has a very bright future here at Arby's.” Continuing his pace will all but assure the first overall selection in the NBA draft for Winchester, and his manager at Arby's think he'll be just fine. “As long as he takes things one jump ball at at time! Hahaha!”
Tampa Bay Rays to hire new locker room attendant
The winds of change are rolling through Tampa Bay. First a new name, and new uniforms, now the team is looking for a new locker room attendant. “One thing we really want to instill with our new look team is a winning attitude”, says team president Matt Silverman. “It all starts from the ground up, and this is the type of thing that will help us compete with the Sox and Yankees”. The job was posted today on local grocery and convenience store bulletin boards, and the successful candidate will have to be qualified with at least three years of janitorial experience. “We want someone who's had success and lots of experience. Also a great attendance record and a good personality are must haves.” Rays Center Fielder Carl Crawford says the hiring could be the first step in the right direction. “This just shows management is taking things seriously. We're used to having a dingy looking locker room, but all that is about to change. Rumor has it that management is looking into buying a Dirt Devil vacuum. Having a big name like that associated with the team will show immediate results.” The team also announced that the new attendant will have state of the art supplies to use such as Mr. Clean and Windex cleaning products. In other news the Rays have put all their proven talent on the trade block in attempts to lower their team salary.
-Joe Osborne
*The above stories are completly fictional and intended solely for humor.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
