A Man Named Gaylord

If you could go back and talk to your parents before they gave you a name, what would you tell them? Most people probably wouldn't change a thing about their name, but the fact of the matter is that there are a ton of horrendous names out there. For every few Steve's there's a Eugene, for every couple of Mike's there's a weirdo named Oliver, and for every few Tom's there's a poor guy who automatically gets labelled as a child molester just because his name is Lester. I could go on and on about all the bad first names that exist, but none of them compare to the man who has the worst, most humiliating name ever. This man is a member of the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame, he's won over 300 games, and owns two Cy Young awards. So what's his name you ask? The name of this baseball legend is Gaylord Perry.

Looking at Gaylord Perry's career stats it's not hard to be impressed. In a 22 year career that started in 1962, Gaylord pitched for 8 different teams, he had 314 wins, 3534 strikeouts, and is one of only four pitchers to win a Cy Young in both the American and National League. And he also had a brother. The name of his was Jim. Could you imagine how pissed off you'd be if your parents named you Gaylord, and then gave your brother a name like Jim. How's that for favoritism?

I decided to do a little bit of research on Gaylord to figure out what kind of guy he was. According to http://www.baseball-almanac.com/ Gaylord truly lived up to his name as he was known for his blatant use of the spitball, the Vaseline ball, the Preparation H ball and sometimes the KY Jelly ball. A Gaylord and a tub of KY Jelly doesn't sound like a guy who used to strike people out for a living. Here's a few interesting quotes I found about Gaylord-

"He should be in the Hall of Fame with a tube of KY jelly attached to his plaque." - Gene Mauch

"When you walk by, he smells like a drugstore." - Billy Martin

Enough about Gaylord's baseball career. I'm just wondering why in the hell a parent would name their kid Gaylord. Imagine going through life constantly being teased about your sexual orientation. Stop for a minute and think about everything you've accomplished in your life. All the joy and success and fun times with friends. Now think about how much different your life would be if your name was Gaylord. I bet Gaylord Perry's life would have been much different if he didn't have the god given talent to pitch. I guess it just boggles my mind how a parent could name their child after a derogatory word for a homosexual. Some people are just weird I guess.

I know that my name isn't that unique, and it's about as normal as it gets. I'm happy that my name isn't Gaylord and that people don't call me a gay lord, but I bet Gaylord Perry is happy that he's lived a life that thousands can only dream of. It's impossible to go through life without having some bad mixed in with all the good. Gaylord Perry has had a pretty impressive career, it's just too bad his name is Gaylord.

Get Cho Popcorn Ready!!!

After an extended hiatus due to a bizarre illness and having my passport challenged in Venezuela, Sports Storm will be back and better than ever beginning on Monday! Make sure you check in next week to find out what athlete has the gayest name ever, plus analysis on some football game next Sunday, and a preview and predictions for UFC 82. This is one of the busiest times of the year in the sports world, and Sports Storm will be all over it like the Bengals at a whore house.

Chuck Liddell vs. Wanderlei Silva

What's up everybody? I know I haven't been posting lately, but I've gone through some pretty rough times these past few weeks. I was actually on the verge of committing suicide, and then I found out that Scottie Pippen is playing pro ball in Finland. I now have a reason to live. Actually, I'm working on a whole new page for Sports Storm. It's annoying and very confusing trying to set up an actual web page. FTP, HTML, CSS, and a bunch of other crap I'm trying to figure out. Anyways, things should be up and running again full time soon. In the meantime, here's a great fight from last months UFC event. If you haven't seen it, you should definitely check it out.



Part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uBH0WjPtRA&feature=related

Part 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p25_gvfHhnA&feature=related

Part 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icfYvmRzVcA&feature=related

Chris Bosh for All-Star

Who knew he had personality? Either way, he'll get my vote.

2008 UFC Preview

2007 was a groundbreaking year for the UFC. It was the year of the upset, full of fresh faces, and the invasion of Pride. It was also a year of extreme highs and extreme lows. Rampage Jackson, Anderson Silva, and Roger Huerta made their presence felt with exhilarating performances, while we also witnessed the decline of Chuck Liddell, and the very ugly fallout of Randy Couture. The last few UFC Pay Per View events have been very weak, but UFC 79 on December 29th should make up for that. 2007 will go out with a bang with two of the most anticipated matches ever. The UFC will hope to carry that momentum into 2008, which is shaping up quite nicely. Let's take a look at some of the matches that we will see, and some that we might see.

Fights that we will see

B.J. Penn vs. Joe Stevenson: The two lightweights will get it on at UFC 80 for the vacant lightweight title. Penn is one of the best pound for pound fighters in the world, while Stevenson has been quickly climbing the ladder since he won The Ultimate Fighter 2. Don't be surprised to see this fight stay on the ground, but that doesn't mean it won't be entertaining. Penn has stated that he would like to be the first UFC fighter to hold both the lightweight and welterweight titles. He'll accomplish one of those feats, and live up to his nickname, 'The Prodigy', with a win over Joe Daddy.

Brock Lesnar vs. Frank Mir: This is probably the biggest UFC debut ever. The former WWE Champ will take on the former UFC Heavyweight Champ at UFC 81 on Super Bowl weekend. Personally, I think Lesnar will be a boring fighter. He's primarily a wrestler, and wrestlers tend to be boring MMA fighters. I'd imagine he's working hard on all aspects of his game though, so hopefully he proves me wrong. The winner of this one will be a win or two away from a title shot in the wide open Heavyweight division.

Tim Silva vs. Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira: It's not signed yet, but it appears these two will fight for the vacated Heavyweight Championship at UFC 81. Silva is no stranger to UFC fans, while Nogerira only has one UFC fight under his belt. Nogerira is regarded as one of the world's top heavyweights after a very successful run in Pride. This fight has great potential if Silva can get back to being the headhunting fighter that he used to be.

Anderson Silva vs. Dan Henderson: Finally! The UFC got this one right, by convincing Dan Henderson to drop down to 185 lbs to take on Silva. When Pride folded, Henderson held both the Light Heavyweight and Middleweight Championships, so he'll be a real threat to beat The Spider. Since entering the UFC, Silva hasn't had much competition, and has walked through everyone he's faced. Henderson is a great all around fighter, with Olympic quality wrestling skills. This will be a great MMA fight.

Rampage Jackson vs. Forrest Griffin: It was recently announced that these two will be the coaches on The Ultimate Fighter season 7, which begins airing in April, then they will fight for the Light Heavyweight title. There's no reason why this fight won't be great. Although Rampage is the better all around fighter, Forrest loves to swing for the fences, and he rarely disappoints his fans. No one thought he could beat Shogun, and he proved all his doubters wrong. Rampage actually got the living crap kicked out of him by Shogun, so this fight could easily go either way. Having these two as the coaches of TUF 7 should help bring some renewed life to one of televisions best reality shows.

Fights that should happen

- The winner of George St. Pierre/Matt Hughes vs. Matt Serra (This fight will most likely take place in Montreal in April if GSP beats Hughes)
-The winner of B.J. Penn/Joe Stevenson vs. Sean Sherk

-Mauricio 'Shogun' Rua vs. Keith Jardine
-Roger Huerta vs. Kenny Florian
-John Fitch vs. Karo Parisyan
-Rich Franklin vs. Travis Lutter
-Tito Ortiz vs. Rashad Evans

So, as you can see the early 2008 line-up is looking pretty good. As we've learned from 2007, nothing is ever for sure. If this time last year I told you that two of the UFC's titles would be vacated, and Matt Serra, Anderson Silva, and Rampage Jackson were the champions of their weight classes you'd probably tell me I'm nuts. Well, the UFC is nuts and that's what makes it so great. What happens next weekend at UFC 79 will go a long way to determining some of the groundwork for 2008. Make sure to check back this time next week for my preview and predictions for that event. Feel free to leave comments on who you think will win some of these future fights, plus what you hope to see in 2008.
-Joe Osborne

Go Play Somewhere Else

Trade demands. We hear them all the time. Athletes sacrifice looking like huge babies for a chance at playing in a better situation. Some athletes choose to speak up when they're not happy, while others decide to suck it up and play out their contract. Here's a few players who's lives and careers could improve drastically if they'd demand a trade and end up on another team.

Alexander Ovechkin: The Russian Assassin is the most exciting and explosive player in the NHL, but the team he plays for is among the worst in the league for attendance. When the Caps are on the road, they sell out arenas because real fans want to see Ovechkin play, but people in Washington just don't care. Both Ovechkin and the NHL would greatly benefit if he were playing in a major hockey city. The NHL promotes Ovechkin as one of the 'faces' of the league, it's just too bad he plays on a pathetic team, who probably shouldn't even have a franchise.

Andre Iguodala: Iggy is expected to be 'the man' on the Sixers, but he's much better suited to be a second option. The Sixers are in rebuilding mode, and it appears they will be for awhile. Carrying this lousy team on his back will only result in bitterness, and a low shooting percentage due to taking the majority of the teams shots. Imagine Iguodala flying down the wing playing with one of the league's best point guards, and having someone else to attract double teams. He'd be an even bigger highlight machine than he is now.

Jason Bay: The Pittsburgh Pirates have been rebuilding their team for the past 15 years. Well, it appears that way. People don't even know who Jason Bay is because he's playing for one of sports most insignificant franchises. Bay has shown over the past few seasons that he's one of the games most complete players. His career would benefit immensely if he played for a team where he could be surrounded by talent, and have some decent protection. Try to name three other players on the Pirates. It's not easy!

Lebron James: Carmelo has A.I., Nash has Marion and Amare, Pierce has Allen and Garnett, Lebron has... Anderson Varejao? All the major contenders in the league have more than one perennial all-star, but that's not the case with the Cavs. They've had a few years to surround King James with some talent, and they've done a horrible job at doing so. Donyell Marshall, Larry Hughes, and Drew Gooden are just a few of the 'big' names they've added in the Lebron era. People jumped for joy when Varejao returned to the court this season to give Lebron help. Give me a break, Varejao isn't even as good as Kris Humphries of the Raptors. The bottom line is Lebron will need some talent around him if he wants to win championships. Kobe realized he can't get it done all by himself, and Lebron will realize that too. Lebron probably won't demand a trade anytime soon, but it's hard to imagine him in a Cavs uniform once his contract expires.

Carson Palmer: Palmer is the third best passer in the league, and not too far behind Brady and Manning. His stats don't necessarily show this though, because he plays on one of sports most unstable franchises. Palmer is a classy guy with a great work ethic, but he shares a locker room with a bunch of bone heads who can't keep themselves out of handcuffs. Palmer has the potential to be a future legend, but he'll have to be in another uniform to do so.

Grimace: How's is Grimace supposed to get any attention when he's riding the coat tails of Ronald McDonald? The only time he's in the spotlight is when he's named as an accomplice in one of the Hamburglar's crimes, or when he's rumored to be in a gay relationship with Patrick from Sponge Bob Square Pants. There's plenty of fast food restaurants that don't have a mascot. Grimmace should look to branch out before he ends up on death row after being blamed for a murder committed by the Hamburglar.
-Joe Osborne

Tuesday's Top Ten: Best Goal Scorers in the NHL

Nothing gets a sports fan more excited than a highlight reel goal. Well, maybe a game breaking touchdown does, or a monster home run, or maybe a posterizing dunk, or... The point is, fans love goals. The NHL changed the rules so we'd see more of them. What makes a goal so exciting is that it can unexpectedly happen in a split second, or we can see it develop and already know the result before the puck hits the net. Let's see who makes my list of the top ten goal scorers in the NHL.

10. Jaromir Jagr: His production may be a little off this season due to nagging injuries, but he's unstoppable at 100%. This is Jagr's 17th season in the NHL. In all of those season except his rookie year he has scored 30 or more goals. That's incredible, and the definition of consistent.

9. Martin St. Louis: The 5'9'' winger seems to always be in the right place at the right time. He has 30 or more goals the past four seasons, and he appears to be well on track again this year with 12.

8. Marian Hossa: He seems to go largely unnoticed due to playing with flashier players with big personalities, but make no mistake about it, he's one of the best in the league. He scored 45 goals last season as well as 45 in the 2002-2003 season. He's probably the best player in the league at scoring goals off of face-offs.

7. Sidney Crosby: Uneducated hockey fans would expect Sid the Kid to be higher on this list, but he's actually more of a play maker than a sniper. He's still great at putting the puck in the back of the net though. Watch his highlights and you'll see he can score anyway or anyhow. From his knees, on his back, batting pucks out of the air. He'd be higher on this list if he was more selfish.

6. Jarome Iginla: A real force on the ice, and very hard to stop. Iginla is a true power forward that has scored 35 goals or more five seasons in a row. Imagine how much better he'd be if he had some actual offensive talent around him.

5. Henrik Zetterberg: So far this season he's the NHL's most improved player. No one scores prettier breakaway goals. He has so many tricks up his sleeve, and routinely embarrasses goalies. He has 24 goals in 33 games this season, which is phenomenal by today's standards.

4. Vincent Lecavalier: This guy can score from anywhere on the ice. He has pin point accuracy when he's in close, or he can rip one from the blue line. He led the league with 52 goals last season, and is only showing signs of getting better with 22 so far this season.

3. Alexander Ovechkin: Possibly the league's most exciting player, playing on one of the lousiest teams, Ovechkin is a one man gang on the ice. No player in the league does so much by himself. In his first two seasons he's scored an impressive 98 goals. He's so good at creating scoring opportunities for himself and will only get better.

2. Dany Heatley: The Senator's sharp shooter has scored 50 goals two seasons in a row. He's an incredible finisher, with close to a 20% shooting percentage this season. He makes things look remarkably easy. A goalie will know what he's gonna do, he'll do it anyways, and score.

1. Ilya Kovalchuk: This man can do it all. He has the accuracy of Heatley and the moves of Zetterberg. When he's breaking down the wing, it's practically a given that he's gonna snap the puck top shelf and score, and goalies have no answer for him. He leads the league with 26 goals so far this season, and has scored 202 in five full seasons. It's rare that a player who gets between 70 to 100 points a season to have more goals than assists. Kovalchuk always finishes the season with more goals. He's a pure goal scorer, and he's better than anyone else in the league at doing it.

Close but no cigar: Joe Sakic, Evgeni Malkin, Pavel Datsyuk, Rick Nash, Daniel Alfredson.
-Joe Osborne