Straight Up Made Up

Lebron records triple double despite being quintuple teamed for majority of game

The Cleveland Cavaliers earned a hard fought 111-106 victory over the Indiana Pacers yesterday, despite the fact that Lebron James was quintuple teamed by the Pacers for the majority of the game. “The strategy going in was to put all of our players on Lebron whether he had the ball or not” said Pacers coach Jim O'Brien. “While it seemed to be working at times, covering him with five players just wasn't enough, and unfortunately due to NBA rules we're not allowed having a sixth man on the court. That could have been the difference maker”. The decision to quintuple team Lebron could become a popular trend this season, as the Cavaliers roster is now mostly made up of members of a local Knights of Columbus group. Cleveland GM Danny Ferry says the new look Cavs roster makes plenty of sense. “What's the point of paying NBA caliber players to be on your team when you have a guy like Lebron? The guys from the Knights of Columbus make almost all of their wide open layups, and all we have to do is give them a small donation at Christmas. We're saving a ton of money, and we're still winning ball games.” James doesn't seem to mind the extra attention he's getting on the court, saying this is something he'll have to go through if he wants to be the best of all time. It wasn't all good news for the Cavs however, as Herb Palmer, a 64 year old power forward, and a member of the Knights of Columbus for 17 years, was on the receiving end of a violent charging foul by Pacers center Jermaine O'Neal. He was brought to the hospital and pronounced dead at the scene. The Cavs will hope to continue their winning ways when they take on the Boston Celtics tomorrow night.

Fan plans to laminate ticket stubs

August 7th at Camden Yards in Baltimore was just an ordinary day at the ball park for most fans, but not for 37 year old Patrick Spence, who is a produce manager at a local grocery store. While most were enjoying the opening game of a three game set with the Seattle Mariners, Patrick was attending his first ever ball game, and describes the events that led up to it to be 'freakish'. “Me and my common law partner we're just walking down the street close to Camden Yards, and a guy offered us two tickets for twenty dollars. It came out of no where! A complete stranger offered us these tickets for a great price. I was blown away, and just said 'what the hell, let's do it'". It wasn't much of a game as the Orioles lost 10-3, but Patrick is now a lifetime fan. “The highlight of the game for me was when Melvin Mora came close to hitting a home run. As soon as it came off his bat, we all thought it was gone. I was memorized and had feelings of excitement I've never had before. The ball ended up being about 10 feet short and was caught by the right fielder, but still, it was pretty crazy”. Following the game Patrick couldn't contain his excitement, and apparently is still on cloud nine. His common law partner suggested he have the ticket stubs that have been on display on their fridge laminated, and Patrick agreed. “I haven't decided if I want to get them laminated at a big box store like Staples or a locally owned place. I guess it depends on price and quality of service. I'll have to ask around I guess.” Patrick plans to attend more baseball games in the future and says if things go well with the laminating, he'll consider having the ticket stubs framed.

Strahan mistakes fan for Alfonso Ribeiro

During the fourth quarter of a lopsided game against the Minnesota Vikings, Giants defensive end Michael Strahan found himself in a foul mood sitting on the bench, when something in the crowd suddenly drew his attention. “Hey, isn't that that guy... You know, Carleton from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? He's right there in the first row wearing a red jacket.” he said to teammate R.W. McQuarters. “Oh, you mean Alfonso Ribeiro.” responded McQuarters. “There's no way that's him, that guy is like 50 years old”. After hearing the argument Assistant Special Teams Coach Thomas McGaughey made his way over and agreed with McQuarters than the fan was not Alfonso Ribeiro. “Nope, Carleton was much shorter, and I'm sure he'd wear something better than a pullover Starter jacket”. Strahan then began to doubt his original thoughts that the man was actually Alfonso Ribeiro, but was still not completely convinced. Strahan began to analyze the man's facial features, when suddenly the man noticed he was being starred at. The excited man waved to Strahan, and it was at that point he realized that the man was not Alfonso Ribeiro. Strahan gave the man an awkward half wave, and an up-nod as he thought of what could have been. “Wow, that really blew my mind. That guy looked so much like Carleton. He should go on one of those reality TV shows.” Strahan then attempted to find a camera to take a picture of the man but was unsuccesful.

-Joe Osborne
*The above stories are completly fictional and intended solely for humor.

Video of the Day: The Best of Mike Tyson Talking

This video contains abrasive language, so if you're offended by swearing you should probably loosen up a bit and learn how to laugh.