I know I always do a sports related top ten, but I thought I'd change things up with some suggestions of good ways to get fired from your job. You might find some of them funny, and you might be offended, but that's the idea! Behold, the top ten best ways to get fired from your job!
10. Refuse to adhere to your works scent policy by wearing large amount of cologne. When people complain, demand that your work reimburses you for the money you spent on the cologne. If they refuse, threaten to commit suicide.
9. Begin renting out the office for sex addicts anonymous meetings. If meetings become a success, begin renting out the office for large, inter-racial orgies.
8. Find an interesting way to spread an STD. While your at it, spread a virus to all the computers because computers can't have sex.
7. Replace your bosses Advil with ecstasy. When they become high, call the police and accuse them of sexual harassment.
6. On casual day, show up to work completely naked with a fake tattoo of a large arrow pointed towards your crotch. Accuse male and female co-workers of desperately wanting to be impregnated by you, and repeatedly yell 'you wish biatch!'
5. Gather all of your co-workers into one area and do your best impressions of Michael Richards, Don Imus, Tim Hardaway, and Mel Gibson. When people accuse you of being a racist bigot, threaten to commit suicide.
4. Introduce several of your co-workers and their kids to crystal meth. Since they're probably unfamiliar with the drug, you can over charge them
3. Fake your own death by having a friend call in to say you were the victim of a violent hate crime. When people show up to your funeral, jump out of the casket and yell “You just got punk'd!”, then yell at them for not bringing 'funeral gifts'.
2. Make all new employees take part in a violent gang initiation. Initiation includes a brutal beating, a robbery and arson at a local thrift store, a week long coke binge, and the final test - public urination in front of an elementary school.
1. Break into your bosses email and send out penis enlargement emails to the entire office and his clients. Also, change your bosses voice mail message claiming he is now running the penis enlargement hot line.
Feel free to leave a comment on something you think would be a good way to get fired. Happy Hanukkah!
-Joe Osborne
